Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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