I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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