She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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