I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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