just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
