I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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