i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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