the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
