Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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