Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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