How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
