Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
