she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
