Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
