we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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