Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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