I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
