he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
