My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
