Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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