I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize