the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
