he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
