I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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