Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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