He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
