I wish I could punch you in the face.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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