Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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