6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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