I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
