she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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