I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
