If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
