do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
