oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
