I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
