o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
