Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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