If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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