If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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