im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm both gender and math confused
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
