My hand turned me down
he was CRYING into my vagina
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's the barista slut.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
