Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
