So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
