I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
