Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
