I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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