Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
