A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
