Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
