how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
