ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
