On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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