Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
