He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
