This is not my ceiling
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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