The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dick very happy bro
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize