everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
