It's like God shit irony all over that family
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
