Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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