A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
