you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
