he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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