it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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