I cockslap morals
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
