ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
