really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
