addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
