Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
