You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
