know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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