do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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